If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize