life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
