sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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