Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
