so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize