they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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