It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
