your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
