you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My pussy is not your playground.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
