she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
