Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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