I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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