Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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