I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize