1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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