sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
