shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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