I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
