I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
