Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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