while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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