her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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