I'm so fucking centered right now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
