Where is the hickey?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
