Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
