just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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