Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
