oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
