so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize