I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
