You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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