I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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