His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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