I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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