Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
