I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
