Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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