Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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