I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
