also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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