i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
