You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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