I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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