He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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