you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
