Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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