Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
