I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize