Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
