You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
