Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
