On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
