I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
