We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
