You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
