I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
