In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I didn't shave. On purpose
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
