can we get nightvision for the apartment?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
