does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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