i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
