He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
