don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
