I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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